Painful sex shouldn’t be something that women regularly experience.
There can be many causes (some of which we’ll cover in this article) for why you could be experiencing pain during sex, but just know that we don’t believe it should your “normal”.
First, know that if you’re struggling with something like this, talking to someone can be the best thing for you. Whether that’s just opening up to a friend, reaching out to a trusted doctor or even having a conversation with a trained therapist, community can help you find the solution.
VAGINISMUS?
The two most common words you’ll hear in relation to pain in your vagina, labia or any area “down there” are “Dyspareunia” & “Vaginismus”.
Dyspareunia (pronounced dis-puh-ROO-nee-uh) is just a general term for pain before, during or after intercourse. (Here’s a more detailed article on it: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK562159/
This is just a general term for any pain you may experience during, before or after sex. This deals with not just emotional issues but also physical issues like cysts.
Vaginismus is a more specific term, (detailed article here: https://www.healthline.com/health/vaginismus)
This term specifically covers any pain dealing with the vagina and penetration. (Whether that’s a during an exam, your average tampon insertion or during sex.)
Now, these terms don’t mean that you need to go and get a surgery done or some sort of prescription. Sex is intrinsically tied not just to the physical, but the emotional as well, and your sexual health can be impacted by things like childbirth or bad sex from a previous relationship. The odds are high that this is more of a mental block than just a physical issue.
That’s where it can help to not only have a physical doctor but a therapist as well. After working through Vaginismus with my wife, I’ve seen how important it is to solve this in community.
Now Dyspareunia and Vaginismus can look a little different for every woman, here’s a few things that may indicate that something is more is going on:
- Uncontrollable muscle spasms in your vagina
- Burning pain in your vagina or labia during sex
- Pain after sex
- Inability to insert a tampon or have a physical examination
- Pain or aching in general in your vagina, labia or areas “down there”
PRIMARY VS. SECONDARY:
Now, you might’ve gone onto the web to do some research about your experience. So you might’ve heard the terms “Primary” or “Secondary” when referring to your pain.
All these terms may be confusing, so just know that the definitions are:
- “Primary” is if you’ve never had sex before but you’re experiencing problems with things like tampon insertion.
- “Secondary” means you may have had some great sexual experiences but are suddenly struggling after something like menopause, or a bad relationship experience.
To summarize everything, “pain during sex” can cover a wide array of symptoms. You may have had some great sex but than an experience changed that, or maybe you’re just trying to figure out why you feel differently than other people in your life when you try to insert something like a tampon.
No matter what you’re feeling, hopefully defining these brought some clarity to what you may be experiencing.
WHY ME?
First of all, know that this is not your fault. It’s usually an instant reaction that you have no control over, which can lead to pain, confusion and avoidance. But avoidance doesn’t lead to solutions, as me and my wife found out.
Even doctors often can’t trace back the exact root of things like Vaginismus. It can stem from emotional things like a bad relationship experience, sexual trauma, menopause, childbirth or mental health issues like anxiety. The contributing factors vary by situation.
Here are a few things that may have impacted you negatively:
- Fear of pain during sex
- General anxiety
- Fear of performance issues during sex
- Not feeling ready or comfortable with your partner
- Previous poor sex experiences
- Fear of not healing after child labor
- Early exposure to various forms of pornography
I believe that experiencing the same situation as someone else is powerful, and being able to help someone walk through that situation can solve things much faster, since you know common pitfalls and are able to share the solutions that helped you.
If you’re interested, you can read more of me and my wife’s story here: https://advancedvaginismustherapy.com/about/
WHAT DO I DO NOW?
This may feel like a lot of information but know that we’ve walked through this and we use our experience to speed up your recovery.
Me and my wife spent time dealing with this so you wouldn’t have to. I believe every relationship should be free of any pain or fear in their sex life, and I believe every person should be able to share their struggles in a safe and comfortable environment.
To make things comfortable and respect the intimacy of this topic, we do a free strategy call that you’re able to do online, which you can easily do from home, wherever and whenever works for you.
You can do it easily over Zoom from the privacy of your house. Click here to start your journey: https://advancedvaginismustherapy.com/bookings/
You don’t need to struggle any longer, or wade through the muddle of internet solutions.
No more strange Google searches. Or you trying to find answers in an awkward conversation with a friend or family member.
Click the link to talk to someone from the comfort of your own home. https://advancedvaginismustherapy.com/bookings/
Still on the fence? Check out all these stories of people who experienced the same thing and are now living in freedom: https://advancedvaginismustherapy.com/stories/